Estoy En Ayuno

Headaches for clarity.
Thirsty for knowledge.
Hunger pains for humility.
Fasting for myself,
for humanity.

-by A.H. Abdullah

“No, thank you,” I said, as the bus vendors chanted through the aisle. Mmm, the smells of their’ freshly cut fruit and greasy French fries immediately allured my senses; thus, challenging my empty stomach to choose its fate. Any other day, I would have bought something gastronomical to quench myself with; however, today was a day for patience. While holding my prayer beads, I continued to ignore the vendors and their’ forbidden fruit. “Watermelon?” she asked. “No, thank you.” I said nicely. “Papaya?” she offered, this time displaying her goods at eye level. “No, thank you,” I said again. “Cucumber?!” she insisted; smiling as if she discovered my weakness. “No, thank you! I’m fasting!”

At the age of ten, I started fasting for the month of Ramadan. I remember sneaking juice and cookies behind my mother’s back; praying that she wouldn’t notice my red-stained tongue and crumby lips. I guess I was more worried about displeasing her than anything else. Yes, I was a total mama’s boy and I have no shame in that.

I, honestly, didn’t mean to snap at her. I tried being patient, but it was such a frustrating day filled with countless temptations. My mouth was dry and my caffeine headache wasn’t helping either. I needed for her to understand and just let me be. “Oh, I’m so sorry,” she cried. “No, it’s fine. I’m sorry too,” I confessed.

As I grew older, I began to understand and appreciate the purpose of fasting. It wasn’t about pleasing my parents or anyone else; in fact, it was more about me and making me a better person. I soon discovered that fasting was teaching me about tolerance and humility, while purifying my heart and faith in God.

Her genuine respect, surprisingly, left me fuller than I could have imagined. For one of the first times in El Salvador, I didn’t have to explain my actions or beliefs. I guess fasting is more accepted and understood here than I thought it would be. “Divisadero, Divisadero!” the cobrador shouted. Yes, that’s my stop. This is kind of random, but one of my favorite streets in San Francisco is also named Divisadero, which means division or a point from which one can gaze afar. Sometimes, I feel my spirituality is what separates me from my community; however, it also plays a unifying role. As I got off the bus, I realized that the sun was getting ready to set. So, I quickly walked home; this time, with another reason to smile.

I would be lying if I said fasting was easy; however, with the proper support of family and friends and, most importantly, with the right intentions, it becomes manageable. Growing up, my mother used to tell me in Urdu, “Amir, always have a good reason for your actions.” Her advice was simple, and, yet, played a pivotal role towards how I developed as a person. I went to college, for example, to gain knowledge and a better understanding of the world. Now, I’m in El Salvador for more reasons than one, which I’m sure all of us can relate to. It’s a huge sacrifice to leave our homes and work in a foreign land. The job is tough and often requires us to practice self-discipline in order to achieve our goals. Many of us joined the Peace Corps to express our empathy for those who are less fortunate and, thus, make a positive change in society. Sometimes, I feel like the month of Ramadan teaches Muslims about certain lessons that we as PCVs learn during our service. It’s a time for self-reflection and great sacrifice, which we all observe daily. It’s a cathartic experience, and I feel fortunate to be able to celebrate my beliefs with communities that are more similar than I originally thought.

Stung

She stings for her life,
paralyzing him with unknown certainty.
The numbness fades quickly
while ten thousand needles crash
like lightning through iron fences.
In dismay, he yells
as the black sole takes over in fearful vengeance.

by A.H. Abdullah

FYI: I was stung by a scorpion for the first time the other night. It was pretty painful, but empowering at the same time! haha

Shampoo Making Project

Here's a short video of my Earth Club getting squeaky-clean while making shampoo. We plan to bottle and sell the shampoo in order to raise funds for future art and environmental activities at the school. The shampoo is made with natural ingredients, such as aloe vera, and it's super fun to make!

Final Product:

Untitled

Symphonies of light
float over mooing meadows,
playing songs of bioluminescence
while crickets conduct for mates.
Dancers leap from heavy skies,
tapping away dirty faces
and worn out shoes.
Strongly rooted trees sway their' branches,
applauding the night to sleep.

-by A.H. Abdullah

Washed Out Vermin

Thunder growls make
It hard to contemplate.
Or is it Mr. Toad’s untimely jumping jacks?
Shhh…
Rats turn heads over cold shoulders.
They come through the roof
With heartless minds on Heroin,
Not knowing what they want.
But they take
And take until it rains.
Washed out vermin become them
And never truly live.

-by A.H. Abdullah

Damage Control

The burglars may have taken my ice cream and favorite jeans, but they will never take away all that we've done and accomplished here as a community.

Desi weddings are THE BEST!

Indian weddings in El Salvador?! haha yeah, I don't think so. I actually went home in July, which was a fun way to see all my close friends and family! Jealous, eh? yeah, you should be! haha ;)



(Photo1: My crazy, beautiful family; Photo2: Munir & Afshan, the happy married couple)

Home

Mildew ages on clay walls.
Hard to breath.

Roof cries without warning.
Hard to sleep.

Power runs away with Thunder.
Fuck, I can't see!

Chai
sweet, hot 'n spicy Chai
is Home.

-by A.H. Abdullah

Rain Dream

The rain is ending
Or has it just begun?
No, don't ask the wind
He whistles wrong answers
The sun will rise again,
but first we wait
And listen
Drip. Drop. Dream.

-by A.H. Abdullah

La Canción de Pingüinos

The Penguin Song is something I picked up during my theater days in college. It's one of my favorite exercises and, now, I use it both in and outside the classroom. Here's a video of me teaching the song to teachers and my Peace Corps boss, Dr. Rolando Barillas! He's the one in the blue/white striped polo haha

The Hammock Diaries

Suicidal insects feed the floor

Boy in hammock stops and stares

one blink, two blinks...

Gone

-by A.H. Abdullah

Alerta Roja por lluvias en El Salvador

Due to the tropical storm, President Funes of El Salvador declared a red alert this passed weekend. Fortunately, my community seems to be holding up ok; however, there are many other communities that have been evacuated and are currently dealing with the aftermath of floods and landslides.

AES, Aid El Salvador, is currently accepting donations for disaster relief. AES will focus their efforts to assure that basic needs are met (shelter, food, blankets, medicine, etc.). Please donate what you can via www.aidelsalvador.org

Here's a quick video outside my home during the storm. After two days of house arrest, I was finally able to get out of the house today. The schools are closed, water pipes are broken, and, fortunately, the rain has significantly calmed down; the same goes for my anxiety.

My Sole

The shit on my shoe sticks to my sole.

Frustration shadows me.

The laughing Salvadoran playfully punches the pain away.

-by A.H. Abdullah

Memoirs of a Jihadist

Memoirs of a Jihadist
By Amir Hasan Abdullah
(aka El Principe Hermoso Sirviente de Dios)

My name is Amir Hasan Abdullah, I am a Jihadist, and this is my story.

I was pretty nervous as I handed over the passports. Like everyone else, I didn’t completely know what I was getting myself into. I guess one can say that my anxiety levels run relatively high; so, naturally, anyone could imagine how I felt once given the task to check-in 30 Peace Corps Trainees at a high-security, international airport. It was insanely nerve wrecking, to say the least. So there I was, standing head to head with the check-in attendant, and waiting patiently for further instructions. The check-in attendant gave me a confused look, which I then passed on to one of my colleagues. “There appears to be a security block on your group reservation,” she said. Immediately, after hearing the words security and block, and as the only South Asian Muslim in the group, it didn’t take me long to realize that I was the one being racially profiled. I tried to play it cool, but I could not help but think about all the degrading procedures they could possibly put me through; such as a private discussion with the FBI. This may sound farfetched to the average American; however, when someone has a beautiful Arabic name, like mine, he or she automatically becomes a potential victim to our Nation’s lovely Patriot Act. Fortunately, the FBI didn’t appear for their’ friendly routine check; however, I still had to explain to my fellow travelers the reason it took so long to obtain our boarding passes. I know. Talk about making a good, first impression eh?

I was born and raised in San Francisco, one of the most liberal cities in the world; however, that never excluded me from all the ignorance and prejudices of both pre and post-9/11. Today, living as a Muslim-American can be challenging, which is often compared to the Japanese-American struggle of World War II. Before coming to El Salvador, I endured and witnessed a good amount of injustices; and, now that I’m here, the challenge continues. Like many PCVs, I recall my first few months as the toughest months of service. I also remember one day, in particular, that truly gave me perspective on what I was up against.

I’ve been in my site for nearly two weeks now, and I already feel busy. Today, for example, I went to the MINED office to help train science teachers. Teaching is actually one of my greatest passions, but that’s another story on its own. Anyway, so today was a surprisingly upsetting day. I was at my desk checking my email when it all happened. Just as I was about to delete my junk mail, one of my colleagues approaches me with an internet article. He shows me the article and asks me in Spanish, “Is this something you would do or support?” The article was about an Arab suicide bomber with a history of domestic violence. The article also identified the bomber as a Jihadist. Honestly, I was overly confused, surprised, and offended when he approached me with such poor propaganda. I even asked my coworker to repeat his question, in order to give myself time to properly respond. I could have easily overreacted by cursing him out sarcastically, but that’s just not me; in fact, my parents raised me better than that. I, instead, took a moment to reflect. I first thought about all the times Peace Corps Training failed to prepare and warn us about situations like this, and then I thought about something more important; I reminded myself of all the physical and spiritual reasons for why I’m here. I may have been taken off guard by the man’s unprofessional, ignorant behavior; however, I’m pretty sure that my calm demeanor was not what he expected. Rather than blowing up in his face, I sat him down to discuss my issues with the article and, most importantly, to clarify the true meaning of jihad and the teachings of Islam. He may not have understood nor agreed with everything I had to say, but, then again, that’s just a cost of being different. In fact, most people tend to fear and misjudge the people and things that they know little to nothing about. For me, knowledge is power and, thus, I felt it was my responsibility to not only teach this person, but to also protect myself.

When the average person, or perhaps even the average PCV, comes across the word jihad, he or she may automatically think of the following images: Muslim, Arab, terrorist, suicide bomber, and holy war. So I guess the big question now, is whether or not these are justified images? Well, if this question was asked to any educated Muslim, most likely they would disagree; and, honestly, if any person objectively studies Islamic texts, they will also follow suit. I, personally, grew up defining jihad as the internal struggle one endures during his or her lifetime; a struggle to maintain one’s faith, which clearly contradicts the militant imagery perceived by western societies.

The moment my mother passed away, I became torn apart in more ways than one. It was almost as if her cancer spread to me, manifesting into a completely new battle. I was clearly on a new path, a new struggle in my life, and, eventually, I knew that I wanted to honor my mom by living a more righteous lifestyle. I wanted to learn how to make spicy-sweet cups of chai and cook delicious Pakistani food. I also made the intention to study and apply my faith into everyday practices; such as praying regularly and by refraining myself from sex, drugs, alcohol, and gossip. I’ve become more disciplined and religious over the years and, now, I realize that my jihad, my internal struggle, has made me a stronger person and a better Muslim, just like my mother would have wanted.

My name is Amir Hasan Abdullah and I am a Jihadist, a South Asian-American born Muslim that favors the jihad; a term that has been frequently misconstrued and abused by the media. We all endure and witness injustices daily and, as PCVs, I feel that it is our duty to seek knowledge and stand up against all prejudices and stereotypes. Because isn’t that partly what being a Peace Corps Volunteer is about? We are here to help a developing nation, which is something that goes beyond building latrines and planting trees. We are a group of individuals from a variety of diverse backgrounds and, honestly, it would be a shame if a volunteer goes through his or her service without learning something new about Islam, Buddhism, and all the other ways of life that make us volunteers so unique.

¡Feliz Cumpleaños, Amir!

Celebrating my 25th birthday with MINED (The Ministry of Education)! =)

Run, Chicken, Run!

In this video, I'm late for work while a chicken decides to play house in MY HOUSE!

Chicken Tikka Masala, in El Salvador?

mmm...chicken tikka masala!

Indian Food is extremely difficult to find in El Salvador; in fact, there's a rumor going around that a South Indian restaurant supposedly exists in the capital (~4 hours from my site). So, I think it's safe to say that Chicken Tikka Masala (CTM), or any of my other favorite dishes, are beyond my reach...that is, unless, I cook them myself. ok, so I know what you're thinking..."but isn't CTM a British invention?" yes, it is, but it's HELLA good and, up until last night, I haven't had it in months!

I'm a Pakistani kid that grew up on Indian spices. So, being deprived in El Salvador is just not ok with me! Indian/Pakistani food is pretty much all I cook now, thanks to all the savory spices I carried back from the states. I pretty much mastered CTM last night and, for the upcoming week, I'm dreaming about some Achar Chicken and Lamb Ghobi...mmm...hell yeah!!!

Running with Ants

Here's another video blog, because sometimes it's easier and, often, more effective to express myself via other mediums. so, enjoy!

Video Tour de mi Casa

Here's a video tour of my home, here in El Divisadero/ Morazan! I know I'm hella late, but you have to understand that this video took me over an hour to upload...that's my precious peace corps time ;). so, enjoy!

For the first time tonight, I saw news footage of the Haiti quake...I'm now in my room, in deep thought, and wiping my tears. I know crying doesn't directly help the people of Haiti; however, it's one way to express one's humanity. Another way, is to donate whatever you can to those impacted by the quake. I know if I were a PCV in Haiti and under a pile of rubble, I would like to think that everyone was doing everything possible to help us...and I'm sure the 3 million+ Haitians are hoping and praying for the same relief.