Memoirs of a Jihadist

Memoirs of a Jihadist
By Amir Hasan Abdullah
(aka El Principe Hermoso Sirviente de Dios)

My name is Amir Hasan Abdullah, I am a Jihadist, and this is my story.

I was pretty nervous as I handed over the passports. Like everyone else, I didn’t completely know what I was getting myself into. I guess one can say that my anxiety levels run relatively high; so, naturally, anyone could imagine how I felt once given the task to check-in 30 Peace Corps Trainees at a high-security, international airport. It was insanely nerve wrecking, to say the least. So there I was, standing head to head with the check-in attendant, and waiting patiently for further instructions. The check-in attendant gave me a confused look, which I then passed on to one of my colleagues. “There appears to be a security block on your group reservation,” she said. Immediately, after hearing the words security and block, and as the only South Asian Muslim in the group, it didn’t take me long to realize that I was the one being racially profiled. I tried to play it cool, but I could not help but think about all the degrading procedures they could possibly put me through; such as a private discussion with the FBI. This may sound farfetched to the average American; however, when someone has a beautiful Arabic name, like mine, he or she automatically becomes a potential victim to our Nation’s lovely Patriot Act. Fortunately, the FBI didn’t appear for their’ friendly routine check; however, I still had to explain to my fellow travelers the reason it took so long to obtain our boarding passes. I know. Talk about making a good, first impression eh?

I was born and raised in San Francisco, one of the most liberal cities in the world; however, that never excluded me from all the ignorance and prejudices of both pre and post-9/11. Today, living as a Muslim-American can be challenging, which is often compared to the Japanese-American struggle of World War II. Before coming to El Salvador, I endured and witnessed a good amount of injustices; and, now that I’m here, the challenge continues. Like many PCVs, I recall my first few months as the toughest months of service. I also remember one day, in particular, that truly gave me perspective on what I was up against.

I’ve been in my site for nearly two weeks now, and I already feel busy. Today, for example, I went to the MINED office to help train science teachers. Teaching is actually one of my greatest passions, but that’s another story on its own. Anyway, so today was a surprisingly upsetting day. I was at my desk checking my email when it all happened. Just as I was about to delete my junk mail, one of my colleagues approaches me with an internet article. He shows me the article and asks me in Spanish, “Is this something you would do or support?” The article was about an Arab suicide bomber with a history of domestic violence. The article also identified the bomber as a Jihadist. Honestly, I was overly confused, surprised, and offended when he approached me with such poor propaganda. I even asked my coworker to repeat his question, in order to give myself time to properly respond. I could have easily overreacted by cursing him out sarcastically, but that’s just not me; in fact, my parents raised me better than that. I, instead, took a moment to reflect. I first thought about all the times Peace Corps Training failed to prepare and warn us about situations like this, and then I thought about something more important; I reminded myself of all the physical and spiritual reasons for why I’m here. I may have been taken off guard by the man’s unprofessional, ignorant behavior; however, I’m pretty sure that my calm demeanor was not what he expected. Rather than blowing up in his face, I sat him down to discuss my issues with the article and, most importantly, to clarify the true meaning of jihad and the teachings of Islam. He may not have understood nor agreed with everything I had to say, but, then again, that’s just a cost of being different. In fact, most people tend to fear and misjudge the people and things that they know little to nothing about. For me, knowledge is power and, thus, I felt it was my responsibility to not only teach this person, but to also protect myself.

When the average person, or perhaps even the average PCV, comes across the word jihad, he or she may automatically think of the following images: Muslim, Arab, terrorist, suicide bomber, and holy war. So I guess the big question now, is whether or not these are justified images? Well, if this question was asked to any educated Muslim, most likely they would disagree; and, honestly, if any person objectively studies Islamic texts, they will also follow suit. I, personally, grew up defining jihad as the internal struggle one endures during his or her lifetime; a struggle to maintain one’s faith, which clearly contradicts the militant imagery perceived by western societies.

The moment my mother passed away, I became torn apart in more ways than one. It was almost as if her cancer spread to me, manifesting into a completely new battle. I was clearly on a new path, a new struggle in my life, and, eventually, I knew that I wanted to honor my mom by living a more righteous lifestyle. I wanted to learn how to make spicy-sweet cups of chai and cook delicious Pakistani food. I also made the intention to study and apply my faith into everyday practices; such as praying regularly and by refraining myself from sex, drugs, alcohol, and gossip. I’ve become more disciplined and religious over the years and, now, I realize that my jihad, my internal struggle, has made me a stronger person and a better Muslim, just like my mother would have wanted.

My name is Amir Hasan Abdullah and I am a Jihadist, a South Asian-American born Muslim that favors the jihad; a term that has been frequently misconstrued and abused by the media. We all endure and witness injustices daily and, as PCVs, I feel that it is our duty to seek knowledge and stand up against all prejudices and stereotypes. Because isn’t that partly what being a Peace Corps Volunteer is about? We are here to help a developing nation, which is something that goes beyond building latrines and planting trees. We are a group of individuals from a variety of diverse backgrounds and, honestly, it would be a shame if a volunteer goes through his or her service without learning something new about Islam, Buddhism, and all the other ways of life that make us volunteers so unique.